What you don’t see


Some days I feel like i can push on, that there’s still hope and some days I feel sad and hopeless. It is now May and Im dreading June to come. I have never felt so uncomfortable about passing time until now. Time passes but I can’t chase me ideals, it scares me. I haven’t been myself, haven’t been able to be myself because of the stress and the constant waves of depression that I face.

imageI created this mushroom pizza recently, it was an odd moment that reminded of what I enjoyed two years ago. When I slowly gave up on my self part of me also gave up creating and cooking food.imageI anticipate things that may not happen to try feeling better. This brand new bag is waiting for a phone call, an interview for that job I want, someone to tell me I’m the candidate they want. When will that day come? 
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I try to maintain a social life and not be a hermit, not to sit in some corner of my parents home and cry about how everything is not working out for me, I’m dying for the day I can sing and shout that I made it and that everything was okay after all, that my hard work paid off.imageI feel like being honest today, honest with my feelings and thoughts and not hide behind these pictures. You see this tiramisu dessert below in all it’s glory, beneath all that pretty decor is dark pungent bitter coffee. A facade. I can’t bare to post these pictures on my other social media with “:D yummy” or #foodie (not because they aren’t delicious) but because it’s an inaccurate overall depiction of what I’m so called “up to” these days. I’m trying to piece myself together.
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As an ending note I would like to announce that I am escaping to Manhattan, New York for 4 days from May 16- 19.  So if you have recommendations of where to find the best cheap eats and hipster places to visit give me a shout in the comments below.

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