Beef Drama and Sexuality?!

One of the things I hate the most is manipulation, being manipulated emotionally and realizing you’re a victim of it much later. Of course, I’ve learnt to stand up for myself but sometimes it still enviably happens. Yesterday I found myself applogizing just to bring peace even though I wasn’t apologetic.

I got to feel someone’s immense judgement towards me for being in touch and open about my sexuality. They were the one to bring up a personal question, the one to make assumptions and then judge me for being open about it. Basically set me up for what they want to hear and put me down for it. I was not rocked by this situation as I can only assume that they have self esteem issues.

I realized that for someone who is not well loved and guided by family that person can  become really dependant on their friends and significant other to fill that empty space. There’s a constant need to leave the house/ go out every night, the lack of communication with parents and some very messed up prioritization.

My ex decided to start beef with me and express that he only told his parents we broke up last week (we broke up more than 3 months ago). He decided to also tell me he’s going to let go of me now (he’s the one that decided to invite girls into his bed, so obviously I’d letted go long time ago), he questioned if he was ever important to me (because I messaged “happy birthday” a few days off from his actual birthday and this after we had broken up 2 months ago).

Saying things like “I didn’t see that in you”, “how can you move on to someone new in a few months”, “makes me question how important I ever was”, “makes me re-evaluate”…those are manipulative and negative words. I find those words to be targeting and down putting. For someone that admitted to not putting 100% into our relationship when I did, those words are not acceptable. Everyone has takes a different amount of time to move on and if one is to stay a friend they should be supportive and positive not negatively questioning the past.

This post is by no means out of spite for the fellow but more so shedding light on an experience that others might relate to and sharing a perspective.

Have you ever seen red flags in someone’s personality while dating, brushed it off only to find it to come back to bite you?


My heart took me to the ER

Feels like hell every couple of hours. I have hyperventilated, blacked out, scrapped myself up from falling and my head is throbbing like a $%^&*(_)(*&^ and here I am making up a fake story for the doctor because my mother is at the ER with me and I don’t want to reveal that I snuck out to my bf place late last night. I planned on getting home in the morning until I fainted in his garage. I manage to drag myself back to my place and make it seem like the accident happened at my parents house and that I didn’t sneak out. Even though I’ve got everything covered…I am in so much physical pain and discomfort right now.image

The Docs suspect I have a cardiac problem…heart is beating not like the 24 year old heart it’s suppose to be.image

Now I truly see how my heart is such a vital organ and how when it’s not functioning properly everything else in my body is chaos.

Tinder and Beards

So I went on my second tinder date with this guy I’ve been texting with for the past month…lets keep it short, I was trying really hard to focus on his face and imagining him with out facial hair during our dinner…. Damn the beard! Every time I’ve managed to see past his beard I was like “he’s good looking” and then I notice the beard again -___- (yes I have an issue with facial hair)… I also think he needs dental benefits LOL yeah the condition of his teeth were that noticeably bad.

I enjoy texting him …just texting him. I now understand why people have virtual boyfriends and girlfriends chat games with anime characters in Japan.

No I am not on Tinder anymore ( was on it for less than 7 days), I’m done with this game. It was amusing phone app. A “Thank You” shoutout to my best friend for finding me a good distraction while I was depressed.