Beef Drama and Sexuality?!

One of the things I hate the most is manipulation, being manipulated emotionally and realizing you’re a victim of it much later. Of course, I’ve learnt to stand up for myself but sometimes it still enviably happens. Yesterday I found myself applogizing just to bring peace even though I wasn’t apologetic.

I got to feel someone’s immense judgement towards me for being in touch and open about my sexuality. They were the one to bring up a personal question, the one to make assumptions and then judge me for being open about it. Basically set me up for what they want to hear and put me down for it. I was not rocked by this situation as I can only assume that they have self esteem issues.

I realized that for someone who is not well loved and guided by family that person can  become really dependant on their friends and significant other to fill that empty space. There’s a constant need to leave the house/ go out every night, the lack of communication with parents and some very messed up prioritization.

My ex decided to start beef with me and express that he only told his parents we broke up last week (we broke up more than 3 months ago). He decided to also tell me he’s going to let go of me now (he’s the one that decided to invite girls into his bed, so obviously I’d letted go long time ago), he questioned if he was ever important to me (because I messaged “happy birthday” a few days off from his actual birthday and this after we had broken up 2 months ago).

Saying things like “I didn’t see that in you”, “how can you move on to someone new in a few months”, “makes me question how important I ever was”, “makes me re-evaluate”…those are manipulative and negative words. I find those words to be targeting and down putting. For someone that admitted to not putting 100% into our relationship when I did, those words are not acceptable. Everyone has takes a different amount of time to move on and if one is to stay a friend they should be supportive and positive not negatively questioning the past.

This post is by no means out of spite for the fellow but more so shedding light on an experience that others might relate to and sharing a perspective.

Have you ever seen red flags in someone’s personality while dating, brushed it off only to find it to come back to bite you?

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2 thoughts on “Beef Drama and Sexuality?!

  1. Your assessment is spot on. Very manipulative words being used. Once a couple breaks, there is no locked in “grieving period” or any standard stipulations of continued contact. Your birthday greeting can be considered a bonus regardless of it being belated- for him to complain when you didn’t have to send anything is wrong.

    I agree with there being esteem issues and a basic lack of maturity. It is self centered/selfish behavior to both sabotage the relationship by his own admission by not really trying, and then to not want you to move on or try to make you feel guilty- this is immature behavior.

    Relationships can sometimes be a challenge because logic and emotions don’t always mix well. We can be enamored with someone’s looks or charisma and initially overlook red flag character flaws, but time and good communication make things clearer.

    • I realized I carried a lot stress, burden and guilt because of my relationship over the past year and I’m glad I’m relieved of all that now 🙂 Feels like I have my freedom back now that I can’t possibly be guilt tripped or blamed for anything going forward.

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